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 man divorcing his wife on his parents' orders

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InläggRubrik: man divorcing his wife on his parents' orders   man divorcing his wife on his parents' orders Emptyons nov 26, 2008 1:29 pm

Från: K_Nadia (Ursprungligt meddelande) Skickat: 2006-07-05 02:01

Asalaamo alaikum wa Rahmatullah
Man Divorcing his Wife on his Parents’ Orders

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We begin with the Name of Allaah


Man Divorcing his Wife on his Parents’ Orders

Undoubtedly the parents are those who are most deserving of respect, obedience and kind treatment. Allaah mentions the command to treat parents well alongside the command to worship Him as He says (interpretation of the meaning): “And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents” [al-Isra’ 17:23]

Obedience to parents is obligatory on the child with regard to that which will benefit them and will not harm the child. With regard to that which does not bring them any benefits or which will cause harm to the child, he does not have to obey them in that case.

Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said in al-Ikhtiyaaraat (p. 114): A person is obliged to obey his parents with regard to that which is not sinful, even if they are immoral evildoers… This has to do with that which is beneficial for them and not harmful to him.

Divorce with no acceptable reason is something that is hated by Allaah, because it destroys the blessings of marriage and exposes the family to destruction and the children to loss. It may also involve injustice towards the woman. The fact that the wife had been a servant in the past is not a legitimate reason for divorce, especially if she is religiously-committed and has a good attitude.

Based on this, he does not have to obey his parents and divorce his wife, and that is not regarded as being disobedient towards them. But the son should express his refusal to divorce her in a kind and gentle manner, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “say not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at them but address them in terms of honour [al-Isra’ 17:23]

Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) was asked about the ruling on a man divorcing his wife if his father tells him to do that. He said: If the father tells his son to divorce his wife, one of the following two scenarios must apply:

1 – Where the father gives a legitimate reason why he should divorce her and separate from her, such as saying, Divorce your wife because her behaviour is suspicious, such as she flirts with men or goes out to gatherings that are not decent and so on. In this case the son should agree and divorce her, because he is not telling her to divorce her on the basis of a whim, rather that is to protect his son’s honour from being besmirched, so he should divorce her.

2 – Where the father tells his son to divorce his wife because the son loves her, but the father feels jealous of his son’s love for her and the mother is more jealous, because many mothers, when they see that their son loves his wife, feel very jealous, as if the son’s wife is a co-wife and rival. We ask Allaah to keep us safe and sound. In this case the son does not have to divorce his wife if his father or mother tells her to divorce her. Rather he should be tactful with them and keep his wife, and he should try to convince them with kind words until they are persuaded that she should stay with him, especially if the wife is religiously committed and has a good attitude.

Imam Ahmad (may Allaah have mercy on him) was asked about this very issue. A man came and said: “My father is telling me to divorce my wife.” Imam Ahmad said to him: “Do not divorce her.” He said: “Didn’t the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) tell Ibn ‘Umar to divorce his wife when ‘Umar told him to do that?” He said: “Is your father like ‘Umar?”

If the father quotes evidence to his son and says, “O my son, the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) told ‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Umar to divorce his wife when his father ‘Umar told him to do that,” the response to that is: “Are you like ‘Umar?” But you should speak kindly and gently, and say that ‘Umar saw something which indicated that it was in his son’s interests to divorce his wife. This is the answer to this question which comes up frequently. Al-Fataawa al-Jaami’ah li’l-Mar’ah al-Muslimah, 2/671.

The Standing Committee for Issuing Fatwas was asked about a mother telling her son to divorce his wife for no reason or fault in her religious commitment, rather it was because of the mother’s personal reasons. They replied as follows:

If the situation is as described, that his wife is righteous and he loves her, and she is dear to him, and she does not behave badly towards his mother, and his mother only dislikes her for personal reasons, then he should keep his wife and stay married to her. He does not have to divorce her in obedience to his mother, because it was proven that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Obedience is only with regard to that which is right and proper.” Based on this, he should honour his mother and uphold ties of kinship with her by visiting her and spending on her, and paying attention to her needs and making her happy and pleasing her in whatever ways he can, apart from divorcing his wife. [Fataawa al-Lajnah al-Daa’imah, 2/29.]

In some cases When a Husband take a second wife, parents put pressure to divorce the second wife. Parents has no right to tell her son to divorce his wife just because he is going against his family’s or tribe’s custom by taking a second wife, or because she fears that her daughter’s husbands may follow his example, because plural marriage is something that has been permitted by Allaah and by His Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him).

The son does not have to obey his father or mother with regard to divorcing his wife, especially if that is for a reason that is contrary to the aims of sharee’ah, namely to have many children and keep Muslim women chaste and reduce immorality.

It says in Mutaalib Oola’l-Nuha (5/320): A son is not obliged to obey his parents, even if they are of good character, with regard to divorcing his wife, because this is not part of honouring one's parents.

Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyyah was asked about a married man who has children, but his mother dislikes his wife and tells him to divorce her. Is it permissible for him to divorce her? The answer was: It is not permissible for him to divorce her because of what his mother says, rather he should honour his mother, but divorcing his wife is not part of honouring his mother. And Allaah knows best. [Al-Fataawa al-Kubra, 3/331]

Parents should be advised and reminded that it is essential to follow the laws of Islam, and to beware of drawing nigh to sin. they should realize that whether her daughters will get divorced or not, or their husbands will take second wives or not, are matters of the unseen which no one knows except Allaah. Whatever He wills will happen, so there is no point in committing haraam actions and splitting up families.

According to the most correct opinion, it is not permissible to divorce a woman without a valid reason, because this is unjust to the woman and causes the blessing of marriage to be lost for no reason, and the break up of a family with which Allaah had blessed the sons of Adam, as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “And among His Signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect” [al-Room 30:21]

Obedience to one's parents should only be with regard to things that are right and good, that Allaah and His Messenger love. It is not permissible to obey them with regard to something that Allaah and His Messenger have forbidden, as the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “There is no obedience to anyone if it involves disobedience towards Allaah; obedience is only with regard to what is right and good.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari and Muslim from Ali, may Allaah be pleased with him).

And Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning); “But if they (both) strive with you to make you join in worship with Me others that of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not; but behave with them in the world kindly, and follow the path of him who turns to Me in repentance and in obedience” [Luqmaan 31:15] [Massa’il wa rasaa’il, Muhammad al-Mahmoud al-Najdi, p. 59.]
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