Från: MSN-smeknamnUmm-Aicha (Ursprungligt meddelande) Skickat: 2005-04-06 22:23
The age of distinction (7-10) and rules of privacy
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From the book:
Raising Children according to the Qur'aan and Sunnah
By: Faramarz bin Muhammad Rahbar
Raising children is a serious responsibility as that of a shepherd. Just as a shepherd must be careful of the well-being of his flock, parents must be constantly alert, taking care that their children do not stray and fall victim to the wolves.
Parents must teach their children between the ages of seven and ten the rules of privacy. Allah mentions in the qur'an:
يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا لِيَسْتَأْذِنكُمُ الَّذِينَ مَلَكَتْ أَيْمَانُكُمْ وَالَّذِينَ لَمْ يَبْلُغُوا الْحُلُمَ مِنكُمْ ثَلَاثَ مَرَّاتٍ مِن قَبْلِ صَلَاةِ الْفَجْرِ وَحِينَ تَضَعُونَ ثِيَابَكُم مِّنَ الظَّهِيرَةِ وَمِن بَعْدِ صَلَاةِ الْعِشَاء ثَلَاثُ عَوْرَاتٍ لَّكُمْ لَيْسَ عَلَيْكُمْ وَلَا عَلَيْهِمْ جُنَاحٌ بَعْدَهُنَّ طَوَّافُونَ عَلَيْكُم بَعْضُكُمْ عَلَى بَعْضٍ كَذَلِكَ يُبَيِّنُ اللَّهُ لَكُمُ الْآيَاتِ وَاللَّهُ عَلِيمٌ حَكِيمٌ
وَإِذَا بَلَغَ الْأَطْفَالُ مِنكُمُ الْحُلُمَ فَلْيَسْتَأْذِنُوا كَمَا اسْتَأْذَنَ الَّذِينَ مِن قَبْلِهِمْ كَذَلِكَ يُبَيِّنُ اللَّهُ لَكُمْ آيَاتِهِ وَاللَّهُ عَلِيمٌ حَكِيمٌ
"O you who believe! Let your legal slaves and slave-girls, and those among you who have not come to the age of puberty ask your permission (before they come to your presence) on three occasions; before Fajr (morning) prayer, and while you put off your clothes for the noonday (rest), and after the 'Ishâ' (late-night) prayer. (These) three times are of privacy for you, other than these times there is no sin on you or on them to move about, attending (helping) you each other. Thus Allâh makes clear the Ayât (the Verses of this Qur'ân, showing proofs for the legal aspects of permission for visits, etc.) to you. And Allâh is All-Knowing, All-Wise.And when the children among you come to puberty, then let them (also) ask for permission, as those senior to them (in age). Thus Allâh makes clear His Ayât (Commandments and legal obligations) for you. And Allâh is All-Knowing, All-Wise." [Surah an-Nur 24:58-59]
As mentioned in the aforementioned verse, there are three times at which even young children must ask permission before they enter their parent's bedroom: before the morning prayer, when the parents undress to rest at noon, and after the evening prayer. Children must be instructed to lnock and then gain permission before entering at these times. It must be stressed that mere knocking, followed by immediate entrance, is not acceptable. Parents must explain to the children that such an action is no different from barging in, for it does not give the parents time to ready themselves, if needed.
It is essential for parents to mention to their children at this age to stop looking at and mixing with members of the opposite sex. Muslim boys who reach the age of puberty are considered men and are not allowed to intermingle with or intentionally stare or look at any women, except those who are forbidden to them in marriage, as enumerated in the qur'an. (See sura Nisa 4:23).
The exceptions stated in the qur'an are specified as the following: their mothers, grandmothers, step-mothers, daughters, granddaughters, sisters, paternal aunts, maternal aunts, brother's and sister's daughters, mothers and sisters nursing, mothers-in-law, step-daughters and daughters-in-law. In arabic, these people are referred to as "mahram". Although in general it is forbidden for muslim men to look at any woman other than those for whom he is a mahram, if there is a valid reason one is permitted to do so. Such cases include seeing a woman's face in the company of her relatives to choose her in marriage, examining a woman for medical reasons, helping a woman in danger, looking at or searching a woman for security purposes (in muslim countries this is done by women) or questioning a woman in court. Although there is no blame on children who have not reached puberty (normally under ten) to look at women, the age of distinction is a good time to prepare them for when they do reach the designated age and to teach them the rules of sexual segregation and modesty, getting them accustomed to the concept. Muslims, both men and women, are ordered to be modest. Allah commands
:قُل لِّلْمُؤْمِنِينَ يَغُضُّوا مِنْ أَبْصَارِهِمْ وَيَحْفَظُوا فُرُوجَهُمْ ذَلِكَ أَزْكَى لَهُمْ إِنَّ اللَّهَ خَبِيرٌ بِمَا
يَصْنَعُونَوَقُل لِّلْمُؤْمِنَاتِ يَغْضُضْنَ مِنْ أَبْصَارِهِنَّ وَيَحْفَظْنَ فُرُوجَهُنَّ وَلَا يُبْدِينَ زِينَتَهُنَّ إِلَّا مَا ظَهَرَ مِنْهَا وَلْيَضْرِبْنَ بِخُمُرِهِنَّ عَلَى جُيُوبِهِنَّ وَلَا يُبْدِينَ زِينَتَهُنَّ إِلَّا لِبُعُولَتِهِنَّ أَوْ آبَائِهِنَّ أَوْ آبَاء بُعُولَتِهِنَّ أَوْ أَبْنَائِهِنَّ أَوْ أَبْنَاء بُعُولَتِهِنَّ أَوْ إِخْوَانِهِنَّ أَوْ بَنِي إِخْوَانِهِنَّ أَوْ بَنِي أَخَوَاتِهِنَّ أَوْ نِسَائِهِنَّ أَوْ مَا مَلَكَتْ أَيْمَانُهُنَّ أَوِ التَّابِعِينَ غَيْرِ أُوْلِي الْإِرْبَةِ مِنَ الرِّجَالِ أَوِ الطِّفْلِ الَّذِينَ لَمْ يَظْهَرُوا عَلَى عَوْرَاتِ النِّسَاء وَلَا يَضْرِبْنَ بِأَرْجُلِهِنَّ لِيُعْلَمَ مَا يُخْفِينَ مِن زِينَتِهِنَّ وَتُوبُوا إِلَى اللَّهِ جَمِيعًا أَيُّهَا الْمُؤْمِنُونَ لَعَلَّكُمْ تُفْلِحُونَ
"Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things), and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts, etc.). That is purer for them. Verily, Allâh is All-Aware of what they do. And tell the believing women to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things), and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts, etc.) and not to show off their adornment except only that which is apparent (like palms of hands or one eye or both eyes for necessity to see the way, or outer dress like veil, gloves, head-cover, apron, etc.), and to draw their veils all over Juyubihinna (i.e. their bodies, faces, necks and bosoms, etc.) and not to reveal their adornment except to their husbands, their fathers, their husband's fathers, their sons, their husband's sons, their brothers or their brother's sons, or their sister's sons, or their (Muslim) women (i.e. their sisters in Islâm), or the (female) slaves whom their right hands possess, or old male servants who lack vigour, or small children who have no sense of the shame of sex. And let them not stamp their feet so as to reveal what they hide of their adornment. And all of you beg Allâh to forgive you all, O believers, that you may be successful." [Surah an-Nur 24:30-31]
As salam alaykom wa rahmatuAllahi wa barakato