Från: MSN-smeknamnUmm-Aicha Skickat: 2005-01-12 13:24
She does not discriminate between sons and daughters
her affection and care
The true Muslim woman does not discriminate between her sons and daughters in her affection and car, as do some women who are not free from the effects of a jahili mentality. She is fair to all her children, boys and girls alike, and cares for them all with compassion and love. She understands that children are a gift from Allah (SWT), and that Allah's (SWT) gift, be it of sons or daughters, cannot be rejected or changed: <DIR>( . . . He bestows [children] male or female according to His Will [and Plan], or He bestows both males and females, and He leaves barren Whom He will: for He is full of knowledge and power.) (Qur'an 42:49-50)
</DIR>The Muslim woman who is truly guided by her religion does not forget the great reward that Allah (SWT) has prepared for the one who brings up daughters and takes care of them properly, as is stated in numerous sahih hadith, for example the hadith narrated by Bukhari from `A'ishah (May Allah be pleased with her) in which she says: <DIR>"A woman came to me with her two daughters and asked me (for charity). She found that I had nothing except for a single date, which I gave to her. She took it and divided it between her two daughters, and did not eat any of it herself, then she got up and left with her daughters. The Prophet (PBUH) came in and I told him what had happened.
The Prophet (PBUH) said, "Whoever is tested with daughters and treats them well, they will be for him a shield against the Fire of Hell."15
</DIR>According to another report narrated by Muslim from `A'ishah (May Allah be pleased with her), she said: <DIR>"A poor woman came to me carrying her two daughters. I gave her three dates to eat. She gave each child a date, and raised the third to her own mouth to eat it. Her daughters asked her to give it to them, so she split the date that she had wanted to eat between them. I was impressed by what she had done, and told the Messenger of Allah (PBUH) about it. He said, "Allah (SWT) has decreed Paradise for her because of it," or, "He has saved her from Hell because of it."16</DIR>Abu Hurayrah (RAA) reported that the Prophet (PBUH) said: <DIR>"Whoever has three daughters, and shelters them, bearing their joys and sorrows with patience, Allah (SWT) will admit him to Paradise by virtue of his compassion towards them." A man asked, "What if he has only two, O Messenger of Allah?" He said, "Even if they are only two." Another man asked, "What if he has only one, O Messenger of Allah?" He said, "Even if he has only one."17</DIR>Ibn `Abbas (RAA) said: <DIR>"The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said: `Whoever had a daughter born to him, and he did not bury her alive or humiliate her, and he did not prefer his son over her, Allah (SWT) will admit him to Paradise because of her."18
</DIR>The Prophet's compassion extended to females, and included sisters as well as daughters, as is seen in the hadith narrated by Bukhari in al-Adab al-Mufrad from Abu Sa`id al-Khudri, who said:
"The Prophet (PBUH) said: `There is no-one who has three daughters, or three sisters, and he treats them well, but Allah (SWT) will admit him to Paradise."19
According to a report given by al-Tabarani, the Prophet (PBUH) said:
"There is no one among my ummah who has three daughters, or three sisters, and he supports them until they are grown up, but he will be with me in Paradise like this -" and he held up his index and middle fingers together.20
No wise mother complains about bringing up daughters, or prefers her sons over them, if she listens to the teachings of the Prophet (PBUH) which raise the status of daughters and promise Paradise as wide as heaven and earth and the company of the Prophet (PBUH) to the one who brings them up and treats them properly!
In the Muslim family, and in the true Islamic society, girls are protected, loved and respected. In the warm bosom of her parents -especially her mother - a girl will always find protection and care, no matter how long she stays in the home of her parents, brothers or other family members who should support her, whether she is married or not. Islam has guaranteed girls a life of protection, pride and support, and has spared them from a life of humiliation, need, want and having to earn a living, such as is the lot of women living in societies that have gone astray from the guidance of Allah (SWT). In those countries, a girl barely reaches the age of eighteen before she leaves the comfort of her parents' home to face the hardships of a life filled with difficulties and risks at the time when she is most in need of protection, compassion and care.
There is a huge difference between the laws of Allah (SWT), which came to bring happiness to mankind, and the imperfect man-made laws which cause nothing but misery.
It comes as no surprise that in the West, as a result of these materialistic laws, we see armies of promiscuous young men and hordes of unfortunate, miserable, unmarried young mothers, the numbers of which are increasing exponentially day by day.
She does not pray against her children
The wise Muslim woman does not pray against her own children, heeding the words of the Prophet (PBUH) who forbade such prayers lest they be offered at a time when prayers are answered. This was stated in the lengthy hadith narrated by Jabir in which the Prophet (PBUH) said:
"Do not pray against yourselves, or against your children, or against your wealth, in case you say such words at a time when Allah (SWT) will answer your prayer."21
Praying against one's own children is not a good habit. No mother does so at a time of anger, but she will regret it later on after she has calmed down. I do not think that a mother who has truly sought the guidance of Islam would lose her mind and her equilibrium to such an extent that she would pray against her own children, no matter what they did. Such a woman would not allow herself to indulge in something that is done only by foolish, hot-tempered women.
She is alert to everything that may have
an influence on them
The smart Muslim mother keeps her eyes open as far as her children are concerned. She knows what they are reading and writing, the hobbies and activities they persue, the friends they have chosen, and the places they go to in their free time. She knows all of this without her children feeling that she is watching them. If she finds anything objectionable in their hobbies, reading-materials, etc., or if she sees them hanging around with undesirable friends, or going to unsuitable places, or taking up bad habits such as smoking, or wasting time and energy on haram games that teach them to get used to trivialities, she hastens to correct her children in a gentle and wise manner, and persuades them to return to the straight and narrow. The mother is more able to do this than the father, because she spends much more time with the children, and they are more likely to open up and share their thoughts and feelings with her than with their father. Hence it is quite clear that the mother has a great responsibility to bring up her children properly and form their characters in a sound fashion, in accordance with Islamic principles, values and traditions.
Every child is born in a state of fitrah (the natural, good, disposition of mankind), and it is the parents who make him into a Jew, a Christian or a Magian, as the Prophet (PBUH) said in the sahih hadith narrated by Bukhari.
There is no secret about the enormous impact the parents have on the personality and psychological development of their child from the earliest years until the child attains the age of reason.
The books that children read should open their minds and form their personalities well, giving them the highest examples to follow; they should not corrupt their minds and extinguish the light of goodness in their souls.
Hobbies should help to develop the positive aspects of a child's nature and reinforce good tastes, not encourage any negative tendancies.
Friends should be of the type that will lead one to Paradise, not to Hell; they should influence a child in a positive way and encourage him to do good, to strive to improve himself and to succeed, not drag him dowinto sin, disobedience and failure. How many people have been brought to the slippery slope of destruction and perdition by their friends, whilst their mothers and fathers were unaware of what was to their own children! How wise are the words of the poet `Adiyy ibn Zayd al-`Ibadi concerning friends:
"If you are among people, then make friends with the best of them.
Do not make friends with the worst of them lest you become as bad as he is.
Do not ask about the man, but ask about his friends, for every person is influenced by his friends."22
The true Muslim mother takes notice of her children's books, magazines, hobbies, school, teachers, clubs, media interests, and everything that may have an impact on their personalities, minds, souls and faith. She intervenes when necessary, either to encourage or to put a stop to something, so that the children's upbringing will not be affected by corruption or sickness.
Successful upbringing of children depends on a mother who is alert and intelligent, and understands her responsibility towards her children, so that she does a good job and raises children who will be a boon to their parents and society in general. Families that fail to raise their children properly usually do so because the mother does not understand her responsibility towards her children, so she neglects them and they become a source of evil and a torment to their parents and others.
Children would not become a source of evil if their parents, especially the mother, knew their responsibility and took it seriously.
She instils good behaviour and attitudes in them
The Muslim woman tries hard to instil in her children's hearts the best qualities, such as loving others, upholding the ties of kinship, caring for the weak, respecting elders, showing compassion to little ones, deriving satisfaction from doing good, being sincere in word and deed, keeping promises, judging fairly, and all other good and praiseworthy characteristics.
The wise Muslim woman knows how to reach her children's hearts and instil these worthy qualities, using the best and most effective methods, such as setting a good example, coming down to their level, treating them well, encouraging them, advising and correcting them, and being compassionate, kind, tolerant, loving, and fair. She is gentle without being too lenient, and is strict without being harsh. Thus the children receive a proper upbringing, and grow up open-minded, mature, righteous, sincere, good, able to give and prepared to make a constructive contribution in all aspects of life. Not surprisingly, the Muslim mother's upbringing produces the best results, for she is the first school and the first teacher, as the poet said:
"The mother is a school: if you prepare her properly, you will prepare an entire people of good character, The mother is the first teacher, foremost among them, and the best of teachers."23
1. (Bukhari and Muslim), See Sharh al-Sunnah, 10/61, Kitab al-imarah wa'l-qada', bab al-ra'i mas'ul 'an ri'atihi.
2. Reported by Bukhari in al-Adab al-Mufrad, 1/371, bab husn al-khulq.
3. Reported by Ahmad, 2/187, and by Abu Dawud with a hasan isnad, 1/193, Kitab al-salat, bab mata yu'mar al-ghulam bi'l-salat
4. Sahih Muslim, 15/75, Kitab al-fada'il, bab rahmatihi (r) wa tawadu'ihi.
5. (Bukhari and Muslim), See Sharh al-Sunnah, 12/264, Kitab al-isti'dhan, bab al-taslim 'ala'l-subyan.
6. Reported by Ahmad, 2/185, and by al-Hakim, 1/62, Kitab al-iman; its isnad is sahih.
7. (Bukhari and Muslim), Sharh al-Sunnah, 13/34, Kitab al-birr wa'l-silah, bab rahmah al-walad wa taqbilihi.
8. Fath al-Bari, 10/426, Kitab al-adab, bab rahmah al-walad wa taqbilihi.
9. See Fath al-Bari, 8/135, Kitab al-maghazi, bab maraduhu (r) wa wafatuhu; Abu Dawud, 4/480, Kitab al-adab, bab ma ja'a fi'l-qiyam.
10. Fath al-Bari, 6/472, Kitab ahadith al-anbiya', bab qawlihi ta'ala, 45-48 min Al 'Imran.
11. Abu Tammam, al-Hamasah, 1/167.
12. In fact it is Allah Who gives these things, not nature. This expression is one of the effects of Westernization. [Author]
13. From an article by Salma al-Haffar in the Damacus newspaper al-Ayyam, 3/9/1962.
14. (Bukhari and Muslim), See Sharh al-Sunnah, 8/296, Kitab al-'ataya wa'l-hadaya, bab al-ruju' fi hibbah al-walad wa'l-taswiyyah bayna al-awlad fi'l-nahl.
15. (Bukhari and Muslim), See Sharh al-Sunnah, 6/187, Kitab al-zakah, bab fadl al-sadaqah 'ala'l-awlad wa'l-aqarib.
16. Sahih Muslim, 16/179, Kitab al-birr wa'l-silah, bab al-ihsan ila'l-banat.
17. Reported by Ahmad, 2/335 and al-Hakim, 4/176, Kitab al-birr wa'l-silah. He said: its isnad is sahih.
18. Reported by al-Hakim in al-Mustadrak 4/177, Kitab al-birr wa'l-silah. He said: its isnad is sahih.
19. Reported by Bukhari in al-Adab al-Mufrad, 1/162, bab man 'ala thalatha ihkawat.
20. Reported by al-Tabarani in al-Awsat with two isnads; the narrators of the first isnad are rijal al-sahih. See Majma' al-Zawa'id, 8/157.
21. Sahih Muslim, 18/139, Kitab al-zuhd, bab hadith Jabir al-tawil.
22. See Adiyy ibn Zayd al-'Ibadi: al-Sha'ir al-Mubtakir, by the author, pp. 171-172.
23. Diwan Hafiz Ibrahim, 282. Published by Dar al-Kutub al-Misriyyah.
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